Friday, October 10, 2008

Knocked Down - Again


Yep, that about sums it up. We've been hit again here in the country. I was laid off from my job this past Monday. I knew better than to stay in my field... but that job came along and I wasn't getting any response or positive feedback or offers from any of the local government jobs I'd applied for and time was running out for us. So, I signed up.

You know that "gut" feeling you get? That nagging feeling that won't leave your thoughts? Just this constant churn deep within you that something's simply not right?

I had that feeling the entire time I was employed with this company. Even though I was a telecommuter, I'd never felt so micro-managed! I always felt like I was being observed through a microscope. I woke up every day praying that I'd have a positive day because I never felt confident that I'd have a job at the end of the day. I HATED working like that and having those types of feelings! I've been in commercial leasing for more than 12 years, in a variety of capacities. But I've never felt such pressure as I have over the last 4 months.

I had recently learned, also, of what I considered shaky business practices, involving the "confiscating" of any commission I earned. It upset us (me and my DH) so much so that we agreed I needed to move on and away from this organization. Little did we know that just a few days later they were going to make the decision for us.

I did learn that I was one of 5 employees who were laid off. I am selfishly taking some perverse form of comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in this journey and that it wasn't due to lack of performance on my part (which I knew it wasn't but you know, you start questioning your work ethic, self esteem and overall worth as a person...).

I am fearing this lay off more than the one back in January simply given the state of our country's economy. We all see the news and read the papers - this is not a good time. I am more determined now than ever to land a position within my local government. Somehow, someway I am going to get the message across to these people that I am what they need. What is the issue with these people that they don't believe I am looking to 1) make a career change and 2) realize I'll need to start at the bottom to do it and 3) am willing to take the pay cut to get my foot in the door???!!! Oh, it is so frustrating!! If any of you out there in blog land have experience or tips in this arena, PLEASE, PLEASE share them with me - I am ALL ears!!

I am taking stock that, despite my batmobile has been flatmobiled, I have my faith. And I've taken to heart two messages Robin Roberts recently shared on GMA earlier this week: "Make your mess your message" and "Position yourself for performance - show up". Despite my recent position, I have to practice what I've always preached here and I have to continue to find the wonderfuls in my life and all that I'm so grateful for. We are in for a hard struggle but I'm prayerful that we will be able to ride this storm and come out the other side still with our home intact, our health and a stronger people because of it. I can't help but feel like I've let my DH down - we are, after all, a team but it seems as though he's had to carry us alone more times than I am proud to admit. But if there's anyone in this world I would have to go through a crisis with, it would be my better half. He is my pillar of strength.

So, please add us to your prayer list and bear with me as I try to keep my chin up every day.


Cathy said...

Oh Joyce! I have been praying and will continue! I know how you feel and all I can say is what I say to myself! "Hey, kido, get excited, God has something awesome ahead for you!!!" Call if you can.hugs, Cathy

Brandi said...

JC and I are thinking of you!!! We're sending nothing but love and good thoughts your way, and KNOW this happened for a reason. Maybe this time, you'll get to do something you enjoy, and can feel good about. We're rooting for you! Keep on keepin' on.. :)