Monday, July 11, 2011

Some Damn Good Advice

My father is a man of VERY few words. He's more of a lead-by-example kinda guy. But it's up to you to take heed and pay attention because he's surely not going to say, "Hey, pay attention here. You're gonna need to know how to do this one day".

So imagine my surprise when he approached me while my husband and I were packing in preparation for our move to NC. "Missy" (Yes, that's right. He called/calls me Missy. Yes, my Dad knows my birth name. He gave it to me. But for my entire life, he's called me Missy). "Missy, promise me this when you leave here. Promise me you will never put a second mortgage on the house - for ANY reason. And find a good mechanic". Funny little pieces of advice, huh? But that's what was on his mind at the time. And that's what he thought I needed to hear and to know before I left him...again. I've heeded this advice. I think he'd be proud.

So over the years, I've learned to watch closely at what my Dad is doing. Doing with his hands, with his tools, with whatever gadget he comes in contact with. Think McGyver and you've got Papa! If I were stranded on an island, my Dad would be one of the three things I would want to have with me. And trust me when I tell you this. If my Dad had've been on the Titanic and he could've found a roll of duct tape in the tool box in the belly of the ship, Leonardo would not have made the millions he did and Kate would've had to settle for Captain Jack Sparrow.

When I went to the lean-to yesterday afternoon to get out the rider to mow the yard, I was met as an unwanted, unwelcome guest by a nest of wasps. After the shock of the threat of attack wore off, I went back in my memory bank of Papa-isms. Hmm...what is it that I've seen Daddy do when met with an angry mob of bees? Hmm...what is it...


I told you - McGyver! Don't ask me why but there is always Brakleen in my shed. Probably because my Dad uses it for everything from, well, cleaning breaks to killing wasps. So I grabbed said product, tested the spray's distance factor and headed back to the combat zone.

One, long, steady stream later, I coated the determined little insects in the acid and saturated they're dream home, too.

My yard looks awesome.

And I'm taking reservations for anyone who wants to join my Dad and me on a deserted island if we ever get stranded on one.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

"Crotch Parasites"

I had dinner - out - with my husband this past Sunday. This may not seem like a big deal to you, Internet, but it is a rarity and SUPER special for us. And better yet, my husband was on duty and in uniform and, let's face it, a man in uniform is more sexy than a naked one! I love the way people try not to look at him while they're looking at him. And I feel especially safe sitting next to the heat he's packing on his right hip...for it's much bigger and more powerful than what I pack in my little purse. What? You didn't know that about me? You thought I was kidding about that comment in my last post, didn't you? Mmm hmmm.

So, we're in a decent-enough restaurant with plenty of seating available throughout the whole place when this guy selects the table just behind us for his family of 4; him, his wife and his two "crotch parasites". Okay, in his defense, the little boy was a gem. But that little winch of a girl child...all I could think of was Aunt Becky and her totally inappropriate term for offspring. "Crotch Parasites" (saying it just makes me giggle). Sorry, but sometimes it is necessary and more than appropriate! If you have a strong stomach for vulgarity, but the kind that will make you laugh, I encourage you to visit Aunt Becky at "Mommy Wants Vodka". Don't say I didn't warn you.

So my RARE evening out with my always-working husband was all but screwed because of a whiny 5 year old with parents obviously stuck on "reasoning with their children". Sorry, sometimes hand-to-ass is warranted.

Hey, kids are great. I have one myself. But it kills me to watch adults allow their spawn to behave like feral dogs, ESPECIALLY in public.

Do us empty nesters and DINKs a favor; keep 'em at home until you teach them how to behave.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Gym

My husband "won me over" by sitting on my back porch with me, drinking the best wine EVER and telling me I had beautiful legs. Yeah, he was good...

The "dog wines" hold a very special place in my heart and memory and on my taste buds, too. But since moving to North Carolina, finding "Our Dog Blue" and his buddies is like trying to find a twenty in the bottom of my purse - usually never. So imagine my excitement when, of all frickin' places, I totally stumble on the stuff in the damn Mobil frickin' gas station in Pittsboro, NC!! I know, I've said frickin' too many times but it's the only way I can think to express my glee!! And what's even more freakish is that I NEVER go into this place! I've lived here 9 years and I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in this place.

But on this particular morning, I needed change and I needed a bottle of water for my tri-fecta of workouts I was facing at Ladies Fitness. The Mobil station was the closest, hence my quick stop in. As I made my way to the check out counter, the dogs barked out to me... what's that? I looked at Habeeb, the clerk at the register, and said, "I can't believe you SELL this stuff?!" (look at Habeeb, look at the rack of dogs, look at Habeeb - all while donning a grin from ear to ear). Habeeb obviously isn't getting it. But he's being polite and smiling at me just to amuse me because I'm sure he's thinking this is a deterant and I'm really packing heat in the yoga bag slung over my shoulder.

"Our Dog Blue! From Chateau Morrisette! In Virginina! I can't believe you SELL this stuff!! Do you know what you have here, man? Do you know how special this stuff is to me!? This stuff is equivilent to a diamond engagement ring to me (which, by the way Internet, I never received). I can't believe it..."

I could see that Habeeb was now jumping on this bandwagon with me. I could detect a little gleam in his eye. Yep. Then Habeeb leaned over the counter and said, "That'll be $1.32 for the water m'am."

Now that I'm aware of this little gem keeping residence at that frickin' Mobil station in Pittsboro, NC , Habeeb's gonna' be seeing a lot of this "it really takes very little to make me happy" chick!

"WOOF" - which is dog for "Cheers"