Sunday, June 12, 2011

If I Lived in the World of Make Believe

I wouldn't mind spending some time in Underland. I would want to be Iracebeth, aka "Queen of Hearts". Every time someone pissed me off, I'd point my crown-topped saber at them and yell "off with their heads!!!!". I'd start with the women, females, chicks, bitches who refuse to move over when I'm running along the shoulder of the road. Yes, I'd be running in my witch boots and ankle-length, crinoline-lined, corset-tied, accessorized with my crown, gown and I'd quickly turn to the Dodge mini van that narrowly escaped me, point my crown-topped saber at the winch and yell "off with her head"...and it would happen.

(This would be me.)

My husband would be the mad hatter and he'd be trapped in Underland with me at a never-ending tea party because, when he tried to sing for me, I sentenced him to this hell for murdering the time. And, although he can't sing a lick, he does a mean Futterwacken!

(This would be the hubs.)

And then I'd have these two little beeotches at my disposal ALWAYS. If I wanted my lawn mowed, I'd simply holler "Oh fat boys!". My wine glass refilled? "Oh fat boys!". My running shoes laced up? "Oh fat boys!" My car filled with gas? You guessed it..."Oh fat boys!" My dinner cooked? Yep..."Oh fat boys!" It would be like having had twin sons!

(These would be my fat boys.)

But perhaps best of all, my cats could vaporize themselves! Now how frickin' cool would that be? Think "I Dream of Jeannie". They would literally melt into mist while in my bed and then, "poof", reappear whole in the cat pan! Or...they'd dissolve into a fog from the front porch and then, "poof", show up in 3-D in the front yard stalking snakes!

"A dog's not mad, you'd agree? You see, a dog growls when it's angry and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now, I growl when I'm pleased and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore, I'm mad!" Now this little piece of Chessur philosophy explains a WHOLE lot around here!

(This would be an example of my kitties.)

Yeah, Underland would be some real awesomesauce.

1 comment:

Brandi said..., what was in the wine you drank?