A Dark Thought

I have been struggling spiritually for over a year now. My anger is directed at a select few. And I feel like I'm in a war in which I'm the only one on my team - and I'm the defense... I think I need to stop waiting for one of the select few to notice this battle I'm fighting because it's becoming a daily disappointment.

I was in the middle of my long run yesterday and "hitting the wall". I was hot, frustrated and feeling very inept. And I thought, "Why am I bothering with this? Why am I working so hard at being the healthiest I can be? Because, after all, in the end, I will be dead just like the person who abused their body with drugs and alcohol."

Wasn't that a dark thought, Internet? Wasn't that grim?

When it was all said and done, I felt ashamed for having the thought. There's no denying the inevitable - yes, we are all going to die. But I thought if I allowed that thought to linger any longer or allowed myself to dwell on it or, worse yet, allowed the thought to change my current lifestyle in any negative fashion, then I would have surely lost my war.

I pushed through yesterday's wall (and I will do the same with the one's I've yet to face) and reminded myself that it's all about the journey. And I want to enjoy my journey, no matter how long or short it will be.

Busted

(Disclaimer: The names have been changed in this post to protect the innocent - that's me. The last thing I need is HIPPA man knocking on my door).

Me: "Thank you for calling Carolina Pines Surgery, this is Joyce. May I help you?"

Her: "Yes. I'd like to make an appointment with the doctor, please."

Me: "Wonderful. I can help you with that. What do you need to see the doctor about?"

Her: "My shoulder. I have tendinitis and arthritis in it. I need to see about getting some medication for the pain."

Me: "Ma'am, Dr. Smooth is a general surgeon. So unless you're at the point of surgery for your shoulder, you'll need to contact your primary care physician. Do you have a primary doctor?"

Her: "Yes I do. It's Dr. Rigid. And he referred me to Dr. Smooth."

Me: "Did he? I haven't received any of your medical information yet. Let me call over to Dr. Rigid's office and see what I can learn and I'll be back in touch with you."

Her: "That'll be fine. Thank you. Goodbye"

Me: "Hey Sally, it's Joyce over at Dr. Smooth's office. I just got off the phone with Mrs. Sneaky. She says she's a patient over there and that Dr. Rigid has referred her to us. But I don't have any paperwork on her. Can you pull her chart and send me what I need?"

Sally: "Sure. Hold on and let me just verify the basics..."

Sally: "Um, Joyce. Mrs. Sneaky is a resident at Once Here You Never Leave retirement home. We haven't seen her in months. Her care is being handled by the hospitalist at the facility. Maybe you should call over there and see what this is all about."

Me: "Hmm...okay. Thanks, Sally!"

Me: "Hi. This is Joyce. I'm calling from Carolina Pines Surgery. I need to speak with whomever is handling the care and appointments for one of your residents, Mrs. Sneaky."

Receptionist: "Certainly. Hold please and I'll get the nurse."

Mrs. DON: "Hello? This is Mrs. DON, may I help you?"

Me: "Hi Mrs. DON, this is Joyce over at Carolina Pines Surgery. I've been contacted by Mrs. Sneaky. She's attempting to make an appointment with Dr. Smooth regarding her shoulder. I've verified that she's a patient of Dr. Rigid's. I just hung up speaking with his nurse, who referred me back to you folks. I think there's some confusion regarding the care we provide here. I thought I should call and speak with you about the best course of action for Mrs. Sneaky."

Mrs. DON: "I'm sorry about this, Joyce. And I apologize for any inconvenience. The best course of action for Mrs. Sneaky is for us to go back to her room and unplug her telephone - - - AGAIN."

...BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Do you know where your seniors are...and what they're doing? Might want to check Grandpa's checking account in the slight event he's been hookin' up with his bookie. Just sayin'...

Old people rock!

I Can't Decide

I suspect this post is going to be random, at best. Just look at the title.

Random because I can't seem to pull all the thoughts and feelings I have into the order to which I'm accustomed. Bear with me.

I'm in a book club. These ladies and I have been together for, somewhere around 2 years. We meet faithfully once a month. It's a day I look forward to. It's an evening in which I get a little sad because that day now has an X through it on my calendar. And I wait for the next month. Each of these ladies is a wife, a mother, a daughter...some are aunts, sisters, grandmothers, widows. But all are first and foremost a woman.

Women fascinate me. We are extremists. We can be extremely gentle, kind and loving or we can be an extreme bitch if the situation calls for it. I find something fascinating and interesting about each of my club-mates. I'm sure they don't know it, but I pay very close attention to them when I'm with them. I watch their expressions change when they talk about their children. I notice the passion with which they speak when we're discussing politics - national or local. I watch their eyes tear when something or someone has touched their heart harmoniously or with discord. I know each ones laugh now. My life is richer with these women in it. All of this ran through my mind last night as our little entourage took a field trip.

YOU MUST GO NOW! Don't wait for the Red Box to stock it. Don't wait for Net Flix to deliver it to your mail box. Don't stream it on your PC/Laptop. Go to the theater. You deserve it.

Go see The Help. And normally, I would suggest - HIGHLY - reading the book first. But in this case, you'll be fine going in cold.

This book/movie is, ultimately, about women. About the relationships women form. Relationships with the men in their lives - fathers, brothers, lovers, co-workers - and relationships with other women. I believe to my core that there is no other love like that from a woman.

This book/movie is also about race and prejudice and the unjust treatment of humans toward other humans.

This book/movie is about determination in so many forms. About our responsibilities to one another as mankind. About courage and doing what's "right".

This book/movie is about love.

"You is kind, you is smart, you is important."

Each and everyone of you.

Wearing White Was A Mistake

It was on sale. It was in my size. And I needed it.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I stopped in Old Navy to see what killer bargains they had. There were plenty. We stocked up. One of the best finds I came across was their workout gear; running shorts, yoga pants and sports bras. I grabbed a white one...sports bra, that is. I didn't try it on. I should have.

Fast forward to last week. I was on the treadmill at the gym. The machines face a huge glass window. People can see in. I can see my reflection. I started to sweat. A lot...

"Your whole life you go through painstaking efforts to hide your nipples and then...BOOM! Suddenly 100s of people get their own personal shot of them!!!"

Some Damn Good Advice

My father is a man of VERY few words. He's more of a lead-by-example kinda guy. But it's up to you to take heed and pay attention because he's surely not going to say, "Hey, pay attention here. You're gonna need to know how to do this one day".

So imagine my surprise when he approached me while my husband and I were packing in preparation for our move to NC. "Missy" (Yes, that's right. He called/calls me Missy. Yes, my Dad knows my birth name. He gave it to me. But for my entire life, he's called me Missy). "Missy, promise me this when you leave here. Promise me you will never put a second mortgage on the house - for ANY reason. And find a good mechanic". Funny little pieces of advice, huh? But that's what was on his mind at the time. And that's what he thought I needed to hear and to know before I left him...again. I've heeded this advice. I think he'd be proud.

So over the years, I've learned to watch closely at what my Dad is doing. Doing with his hands, with his tools, with whatever gadget he comes in contact with. Think McGyver and you've got Papa! If I were stranded on an island, my Dad would be one of the three things I would want to have with me. And trust me when I tell you this. If my Dad had've been on the Titanic and he could've found a roll of duct tape in the tool box in the belly of the ship, Leonardo would not have made the millions he did and Kate would've had to settle for Captain Jack Sparrow.



When I went to the lean-to yesterday afternoon to get out the rider to mow the yard, I was met as an unwanted, unwelcome guest by a nest of wasps. After the shock of the threat of attack wore off, I went back in my memory bank of Papa-isms. Hmm...what is it that I've seen Daddy do when met with an angry mob of bees? Hmm...what is it...


OH YEAH!!! I REMEMBER NOW!!!! BRAKLEEN!!!

I told you - McGyver! Don't ask me why but there is always Brakleen in my shed. Probably because my Dad uses it for everything from, well, cleaning breaks to killing wasps. So I grabbed said product, tested the spray's distance factor and headed back to the combat zone.

One, long, steady stream later, I coated the determined little insects in the acid and saturated they're dream home, too.

My yard looks awesome.

And I'm taking reservations for anyone who wants to join my Dad and me on a deserted island if we ever get stranded on one.

"Crotch Parasites"

I had dinner - out - with my husband this past Sunday. This may not seem like a big deal to you, Internet, but it is a rarity and SUPER special for us. And better yet, my husband was on duty and in uniform and, let's face it, a man in uniform is more sexy than a naked one! I love the way people try not to look at him while they're looking at him. And I feel especially safe sitting next to the heat he's packing on his right hip...for it's much bigger and more powerful than what I pack in my little purse. What? You didn't know that about me? You thought I was kidding about that comment in my last post, didn't you? Mmm hmmm.

So, we're in a decent-enough restaurant with plenty of seating available throughout the whole place when this guy selects the table just behind us for his family of 4; him, his wife and his two "crotch parasites". Okay, in his defense, the little boy was a gem. But that little winch of a girl child...all I could think of was Aunt Becky and her totally inappropriate term for offspring. "Crotch Parasites" (saying it just makes me giggle). Sorry, but sometimes it is necessary and more than appropriate! If you have a strong stomach for vulgarity, but the kind that will make you laugh, I encourage you to visit Aunt Becky at "Mommy Wants Vodka". Don't say I didn't warn you.

So my RARE evening out with my always-working husband was all but screwed because of a whiny 5 year old with parents obviously stuck on "reasoning with their children". Sorry, sometimes hand-to-ass is warranted.

Hey, kids are great. I have one myself. But it kills me to watch adults allow their spawn to behave like feral dogs, ESPECIALLY in public.

Do us empty nesters and DINKs a favor; keep 'em at home until you teach them how to behave.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Gym

My husband "won me over" by sitting on my back porch with me, drinking the best wine EVER and telling me I had beautiful legs. Yeah, he was good...

The "dog wines" hold a very special place in my heart and memory and on my taste buds, too. But since moving to North Carolina, finding "Our Dog Blue" and his buddies is like trying to find a twenty in the bottom of my purse - usually never. So imagine my excitement when, of all frickin' places, I totally stumble on the stuff in the damn Mobil frickin' gas station in Pittsboro, NC!! I know, I've said frickin' too many times but it's the only way I can think to express my glee!! And what's even more freakish is that I NEVER go into this place! I've lived here 9 years and I can count on one hand the number of times I've been in this place.

But on this particular morning, I needed change and I needed a bottle of water for my tri-fecta of workouts I was facing at Ladies Fitness. The Mobil station was the closest, hence my quick stop in. As I made my way to the check out counter, the dogs barked out to me... what's that? I looked at Habeeb, the clerk at the register, and said, "I can't believe you SELL this stuff?!" (look at Habeeb, look at the rack of dogs, look at Habeeb - all while donning a grin from ear to ear). Habeeb obviously isn't getting it. But he's being polite and smiling at me just to amuse me because I'm sure he's thinking this is a deterant and I'm really packing heat in the yoga bag slung over my shoulder.

"Our Dog Blue! From Chateau Morrisette! In Virginina! I can't believe you SELL this stuff!! Do you know what you have here, man? Do you know how special this stuff is to me!? This stuff is equivilent to a diamond engagement ring to me (which, by the way Internet, I never received). I can't believe it..."

I could see that Habeeb was now jumping on this bandwagon with me. I could detect a little gleam in his eye. Yep. Then Habeeb leaned over the counter and said, "That'll be $1.32 for the water m'am."

Now that I'm aware of this little gem keeping residence at that frickin' Mobil station in Pittsboro, NC , Habeeb's gonna' be seeing a lot of this "it really takes very little to make me happy" chick!

"WOOF" - which is dog for "Cheers"