Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Shoulder-Of-The-Road Findings

*Advisory: You may not want to read this after just have eaten or preparing to eat.

I am easily entertained. Nope, it doesn't take much to make me giggle or start to wonder why or how. And recently, I have had to find creative ways to focus my attention on something other than the blue-hundred miles I am running at the time.

So, I've turned to observing road-side "treasures". And here are a few of my recent observations:

* A single leg of Barbie's. It was shoeless. And I didn't get a close enough look to see if it were the left or right leg, not that it matters. When you lose a leg, it's a major piece of your anatomy no longer there. Of course I wondered, "where's the rest of the buxom blond? How'd she meet with such an unfortunate accident? Was Ken involved somehow? Was there domestic violence in Barbie's life that the public was kept safe from? Did Mattel step in and make a wheelchair especially built for the starlet? Or, better yet, does she have a prosthetic now?" My prayers are with Barbie and her family.

* A used pregnancy test. Again, I didn't get close enough to see if it were positive or negative but I'm guessing that, whatever the result, given the thermometer-like probe was carelessly discarded on the side of the road, the result was NOT what the woman was hoping for!

* A used condom. I forbid myself to create a story about THAT little treasure. But it was in close proximity to the above-mentioned prego test. So...

* Countless animal carcass-es (car-ki?). This, of course, just made me sad. Although many times I'd run by and think, "Hmm...wonder what THAT was." And that if my whack-nut dog were with me, she'd give it a quick lick then turn those eyes at me as if to say "mmm, tasty". She's special. That's becoming abundantly clear. Pray for us one and all.

I'm still waiting to stumble across a wallet.

Full of money.

With no forms of identification inside.

And you won't hear about my discovery on the 6:00 news, either, because, well, I won't be taking my findings to the nearest police department to perform any sort of good deed. Think of me what you will.

And don't lie. You'd do the same thing.


Brandi said...

I have sat on this couch and laughed my ass off until I cried! :) bahahaha!!!

Karen said...

you are so funny! now i know why you run....just so you can relax and think up incredibly comical tidbits to throw at us!!!