Friday, October 8, 2010

Scars And Working On A Change Of Attitude

I have a few select television shows that I watch/record (is that still an appropriate technological term?) each week. Recently, I watched an episode of one of them in which a character said "scars tell our story of where we've been, they don't dictate our future". I've thought a lot about this lately, especially since I've been nursing my own physical scars from a recent fall back to healthy tissue - to say nothing of a broken heart, which carries the biggest scars of all. I've thought how I'll laugh (hopefully) a year from now over my scraped up palms, banged up elbow and torn-open knees. How the cop that helped me that afternoon looked at me as I was down on all fours and said, "Yeah. it was REAL pretty" when I asked him if he saw the entire event.

That character was right. The scars on my body and the ones on my heart tell my story, tell all about who I am and where I've been. They aren't, however, dictating where I'm headed. They'll be there for me years from now. They may be the reason a conversation is started with a stranger and, as a result, I make a new friend. And when I look at them, they may make me cry at the memory they carry. But there's the possibility that they'll make me smile warmly because they've brought a sweet thought of someone I love to the forefront of my mind. And then I will try and remind myself that it's all worth it.

My family will be traveling soon in order to attend a funeral, a funeral that none of us were expecting to ever have to attend - at least not for many, many years. A funeral that most of us agree didn't have to be. A funeral that is going to leave a deep scar in our hearts.

I've decided that I need to change my attitude before I head out. I need to be a better example for my daughter. I need to accept the things I cannot change and work harder at moving forward and take comfort in sweet memories.

I need to realize that I will always be able to read my story simply by looking in the mirror.

I have to go now. It's time to change my bandages!


Ronalyn said...

Good entry!

I have tons of scars from Babe and a couple of Esa (none from Zed), couple of surgery and chicken pox ones and like you said - never mind the ones on the heart that you can't see.

Brandi said...

I have always looked to you for guidance, but none more so than at this point in my life. As I approach getting older (ahem...), I realize how tough it is out there and how much you have taught me so far, but really, how much I have to learn. Thank you for being here with me this past weekend, it meant more than you know. Kienda would have been so happy to see you...