Have you ever had so many conversations, thoughts, things-to-do-lists in your head that you didn't know what to address first? That's where I'm at today. Usually, if I put pen to paper - or, more accurately, fingers to keyboard - I can work through them and get myself on some sort of track.
I've proclaimed before that I am a fortunate woman. But a friend recently refered to my "situation" as sad, or it made her sad. I haven't been able to get that out of my head. Am I coming across as a sad person? I don't think I FEEL sad...and I KNOW what sad feels like. Recently, I've been hurt to the core of my soul. I've been severely let down by the person I was supposed to - and did - trust more than anyone. I watched my grandmother die a slow, mean death and then helped bury her. I watched my mother's heart shatter, never to be the same again. I've moved three times in the last 9 months...blah, blah, blah... Wow! I guess that picture does seam pretty grim. But I'll tell you this for free, people. I'm not sad.
With the undeniable love and help from my family and dear friends, I have picked myself up by my boot straps, dusted myself off and am moving foward. And I actually have much to look forward to. Frequent change seems to be a big part of my little life. I'm okay with that because I don't want to be stagnant. I'm just glad I have a dog that doesn't get car sick! So please, don't cry for me. I am A-O-K!
And if you follow me on Facebook, you may have learned that I got into the Marine Corps Marathon. I think only another avid runner can truly understand my excitement level over this one! I know I won't be able to master this sport for years and years so I've put a select few events on my bucket list to conquer before I box up my running shoes for good. This was at the top of that list. I am thrilled! I don't have a finish time in mind. This one, I am truly going to try and just enjoy. I hope to pay close attention to the spectators, the cheerleaders. I hope to appreciate the service men and women with whom I'll be running. I hope to value the time I'll spend with our veterans. I hope to commit to memory as much of the "ride" as possible and soak in the sights of our Nation's Capital. Now, I just wait for October.
There's another move (if plans go accordingly) in my very near future. I'd like to say this is "it" but I've come to learn that's a foolish expectation to have! And that's okay. I really don't mind uprooting and trying something different. It gives me another opportunity to meet new people, experience new surroundings, make a new friend, re-invent myself, possibly change my way of thinking. And this is going to be one sweet location folks. I get excited thinking about what the next twelve months have in store for me. I know there will be bumps and heartache and tears; that's part of living and growing. But I also know there will be thrills and laughs and hugs and memories made that will otherwise not happen if what's happened in this LAST year didn't happen! Still with me?
And I became a Great Aunt a few weeks ago! I can't begin to explain to you what this precious little girl means to me. She represents a breath of fresh air in the lives of my family. You know the death cloud has been hanging over us for 2 years+. To see the pinkness in this baby's cheeks, to smell her sweet little body, to feel her warmth when I hug her is to fill my heart with unconditional love. I will tell you that it took my family and me a LONG time to get to the point of acceptance with this angel - shame on us. But we arrived and she is loved and is secure. I plan on making her my protege. I plan on helping her make her mother nuts. I've accepted the responsibility and I'm up for the challenge. I will be certain that I am her favorite. I call her Baby Carl. It's our "thing". Her name is Raelyn (Rae is the middle name of her grandmother, Lynn is my middle name. Cool, huh?). You have no idea what it means to me that I have meant THAT much to my neice that she would honor me in such a way. Fortunate me, huh?
I'm heading out again tomorrow afternoon for a weekend at the beach with my Wee One. I'm stoked! I wish it were tomorrow afternoon! I have a lot to do this afternoon/tonight. There's not enough time.
Sunday is Easter. The only thing Easter means to me is a basket full of chocolate and a few hard boiled eggs - and a present! We look for any reason to exchange presents! I'm hoping for a 'bucks gift card! Whatever Easter means to you, I hope it's a fabulous day.
I'm looking forward to the weather warming up. I'm tired of being cold and pissy and wearing bulky coats, regardless of how cute they look! I want to put on something sleeveless!! And I want to ride my bike! You know, the bike I obscessed over for months and finally bought - in DECEMBER! Not the smartest decision I've ever made. Considering my Tri is in 3 months, I might want to put a few more miles on the thing other than the 16 I've already riden....yeaaaaahhhhhhhhh.
Chatter. This has been nothing but chatter. But it's been helpful to me.
Thanks for being there. And hey, don't be sad for me.
It's all good....