I've made numerous attempts to post something new and fresh. But I've failed miserably.
Failed because 1), I fall to pieces everytime I open this blog and see that last entry and 2), well, there simply hasn't been anything new and fresh to blog about and, quite frankly, I'm having an exceptionally hard time moving forward.
It seems that I, my family really, have a "death cloud" looming over us from which we can't seem to escape. We've been personally affected practically on a monthly basis since November. It's to the point that I don't want to answer the phone anymore, I don't want my family members to travel and I now find myself wishing my husband were in another line of work (something I have NEVER questioned or been concerned about). The anger in my heart and the fear are overwhelming...and my faith is waining and in question - which should be my greatest fear, right? It's during these difficult times I should be turning to Him but, instead, I am furious and feeling betrayed and foresaken and undeserving of all the heartache. Selfish? Yep...
My husband says I need to "redirect my feelings into something positive". My mom is famous for telling us "this, too, shall pass". And a beloved great uncle would always tell us to "pull yourself up by your boot straps and move on". All of this is great advice, which I should put into action. And I will, eventually.
In the meantime, I have these guys. And I am grateful.